Cheers darlin'
Here's to you and your lover boy
Cheers darlin'
I got years to wait around for you
Cheers darlin'
I've got your wedding bells in my ear
Cheers darlin'
You give me three cigarettes to smoke my tears away
And I die when you mention his name
And I lied, I should have kissed you
When we were runnin' in the rain

What am I darlin'?
A whisper in your ear?
A piece of your cake?
What am I, darlin?
The boy you can fear?
Or your biggest mistake?

Cheers darlin'
Here's to you and your lover man
Cheers darlin'
I just hang around and eat from a can
Cheers darlin'
I got a ribbon of green on my guitar
Cheers darlin'
I got a beauty queen
To sit not very far from here

I die when he comes around
To take you home
I'm too shy
I should have kissed you when we were alone
what am I darlin'?
A whisper in your ear?
A piece of your cake?

What am I, darlin?
The boy you can fear?
Or your biggest mistake?
Oh what am I? What am I darlin'?
I got years to wait...

and when the time came to shed a tear, i lay still, not knowing where that precious tear left me
when the time came to tell you how i feel, i stood unmoving, not knowing if i should
when the time came to say goodbye, i stay mute, not realising thats the last word i can say to you,
when the time for you to leave came, i sat still, regretting my decision not to beg you to stay,
and when i am left all alone, i cried, not knowing when i would stop

why did i hesitate, i ask myself
what should i do, i ask myself
why did i not act, i blame myself
why do i regret, why do i....

 As i talk and read and understand, i become less of a believer. Ok mayb not less but then i began to question. What is with intellectuality, philosophy, pursuit of knowledge and excellence that people nowadays are so into. Are these qualities how we set about defining ourselves? or are these qualities what dilutes our identity? SO much so that everyone else is now in competition to learn, to know, to better and to become..

do we live for these so called qualities or do they manifest in us and society so much we become abhorent when we think it is missing within us and obnoxiously arrogant when we possess them. Granted im exaggerating the situation here a bit, but you get the drift.

We have 7 As students now trying to do some last minute community service to fluff up their resume, attachment stints jus so that they get to where they desire. WHAT..your IVY league, harvard, oxford, MIT and LSE.  These supposed scholars are being churned out like some merhandise they lose their WOW aura like years like. It seems to me now that they are "transposed" frm being the creme de la creme to an ubiquitious bunch of bean sprouts.

Can we not live in an era of peace and harmony?haha. Of each individual striving to be his best, but not in relation to others. Of helping others but in an altruistic manner. To compete with others but in the name of fun and bonding. To live life not in obsession but in happiness for others as well as ur own. 

What an irony it wld be now if one of you readers go to the library and borrow a book by aristotle or plato so as to understand about the phiosophy of happiness. HAHA

Ariel by Sylvia Plath

Stasis in darkness.
Then the substanceless blue
Pour of tor and distances.

God's lioness,
How one we grow,
Pivot of heels and knees! ---The furrow

Splits and passes, sister to
The brown arc
Of the neck I cannot catch,

Nigger-eye
Berries cast dark
Hooks ---

Black sweet blood mouthfuls,
Shadows.
Something else

Hauls me through air ---
Thighs, hair;
Flakes from my heels.

White
Godiva, I unpeel ---
Dead hands, dead stringencies.

And now I
Foam to wheat, a glitter of seas.
The child's cry

Melts in the wall.
And I
Am the arrow,

The dew that flies,
Suicidal, at one with the drive
Into the red

Eye, the cauldron of morning.


And so people said that this poem by Plath is from Shakespeare's Tempest. Because in his play there is a character called Ariel who is an airy spirit. But anyways thats not the point. I just think this poem is wonderfully written. I dun really gte what it means though except its sad.But aint the beauty of poems like in the fact that sometimes you feel it even though u cant grasp its meaning? and some poets have a habit of not wanting to express the full meaning but rather people postulate and postulate..haha

And so the last line is what i like best (well im sry angie if it sounded similar to your entry..haha..too bad)

some people really can be deemed fit to be called an idiot. especially one of my LTB project group person (notice i dont even use the word mate). Her brain injury really shoud have just killed her. IM sorry to be so mean but she deserves it.

Much as i hate ltb, i really felt sorry for those autistic students when we had icebreaker session with them yesterday. Though i wasnt in the section as DIgusting (lets just call her that) but one of my ltb mate was saying she scold the kids because they din not play the games we had for them or were not very enthu about it.

She was almost on the verge of scolding the kids. and after which she sent out an email to us saying i quote the para

"anyway i'm sorry i came off a bit harsh today but some of them are quite idiotic. & i'm treating them as if they are normal kids who'd be punished if they don't cooperate. anw, these kids are too much! easy games, they complain it's boring. but when it's too hard, they also complain (like that boy just now). s'poreans are a complaining lot. that's why i kept insisting that they shld appreciate it that we actually take the time to prepare such games for them. not complain. kick the complaining habit & try to appreciate instead!"

What the fuck is wrong with her..calling them idiotic and not appreciating. hello DIsgusting, if they can do what u want them to they would not be called autistic children! doesnt she have any compassion for them at all..

when i talked to them yeesterday, it was so saddening to see them not being able to comprehend me sometimes but at the same time it felt happy to me when they start talking to me even though it was it was simple things like mrts and buses and school. though i did complained they talked a lot, but in my heart it felt good being able to talk to them, even for a brief moment. 

The few times when i din know what to say and they came up to me and talked to me, you couldnt imagine. many see autistic students as weird, rowdy and introvert but some of them are really nice. you have to interact with them to knwo how it feels. 

its not a sense of pity i feel but sympathy for them(theres a difference). but seeing all those teachers who are so dedicated to themand their smile when they talk to you, it dawns on me suddenly, that there are actually people who needs our care and there are people who are truly altruistic in wanting to help the needed and brightening up theiur day. 

We have to admit that in the midst of our hectic life, somehow have we really paused to help these people out? Does it really have to take a school module even on community service to force us to appreciate the things you have. Now i think i will try to be more appreciative of myself as well as my friends who have been there when you need them.

THANK YOU.

 fuck lah.typed like 5 para and my sis had to swtcih off the wireless..now its all gone..im too lazy to retype..

life fucking stinks now..screw life seriously..why the fuck do i have to be in smu

finally its the school hols.a week of hell is making me depress.3 presentations in a week..killer shit man...lack of slp..lack of social skills..and tmr we r gona go yitwens hse to get drunk..haha..how bad can it be..

oh yea..worse..i cut my hair armystyle today..thought it was cooln old school..but after i looked at it..damn..regret..oh wells..lucky its the hols or else i would just not go to sch..

hopefully all my 3 presentations would be graded well enough for me to feel good and not any worse. microecons is coming up in week 9 and i haven touched it yet..theres ltb csp..twc report..comms hw..etc etc..so much work in a week of hols..what kinda hol do u call it...

late night, come home.work sucks i know.she left me roses by the stairs...
this is what im listening to now as im typing..

what am i doing with my life now..where is there still time for me to be in a relationship..haha..

the musty stench of the room gives me the creeps.When i lie on the bed it gives me a bad dream. 
My life is like the musty stench. My life is also like the bed. Who can i rely onto give me comfort in my room. Which can convey my message. How will i sleep without the bed. How can i sleep with the stench. 

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse?

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worst?

what is a memory?
its just like a cage
what are you then?
you are just my caged animal
how did you get here?
you put me inside
are you happy inside?
would u wana be caged

ok cant believe tht im actually so bored i am lj-ing in econs class..but seriously when u see my prof you wld agree with what i say. mid terms for econs is gone. ltb is half gone. twc n comms in week 7..2 weeks and we haven even start..need i say more?

well when you study and study have you thought about why your going through so much trouble for? for just that degree? if not then what?

CNY is coming soon but somehow the mood doesnt seem to diffuse much into me or anyone i know for tht matter.

on a side note i am much happier beating jacq in tower bloxx. BUT (theres always a but) i did it like 1 day too late..damn..now its time to pawn jose but somehow he managed to raise it by 2 bloxx yesterday. 

Jus to remnisense abit, RK on sat night was quite fun. somehow we ended up playing some batsu game. I was the supposed comedian whose suppse to make others laugh..but im proud to say it nv did take me too much effort..esp when its with yin and angie..oh i mean yinz ch ch ch and angie eg eg eg..haha..and btw when angie laughs, it looks like she was crying..u know like those jap anime..where they exaggerate it so much u duno whats going on..

we should play the game again soon..and MS TAN YIN YIN faster come back to celebrate cny with us...haha..

CIAO (i wonder why angie finds it so amusing)

40cents: when you love someone but it goes to waste..